this is what it looks like when words cause problems

thirtyfivedividedbysixtyfivedividedbyfourtyfivedividedbysixtyonedividedbysixtyonefdividedbysixtyoneoneoneoneuckfuckfuckffffuuuucccckkk!

Equals - one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Deep breath.

Your Money Makes Me Crazy

In order for us to make this deal happen; first, I'll need you to back up: then, I scramble my hair, remove a piece of clothing, and make high pitched, whelping sounds.

I get money because for two hours, I am your monkey. Enjoy it.
What you don't know is that I am buttering you up, so that I can dump all over you. You've probably been planning on keeping that money from me for a couple hours; if at all. But everyday, I have to find new ways of pitting my time and effort, against your time and effort, in order for me, my boss, their boss, the people who build this shits life to make sense.

All I am getting at is, for this relationship to go anywhere, one of us'll hafta get screwed; and I'm not the one wearing pink today.

Humans get money from out there, and coral it within thier steeple, and I am the thresher of human resource. Like mining scallops from a pond, you make me dig deep for everything you got.

I dont mind. I got a big spoon, and that means more pudding.
Yes. We all get it.

Enough with the feelings.

Almost Full

If one has, say, 12 ounces of fluid, one should put said drink, into utility with little to no extra faculty for additional sips..

so what use is a fifteen ounce jar?

Unless you have beer on tap, oversized mugs are rubbish; because usually, you have a can of beer and it only fills the oversized mug enough to create an rogue slap in the face as you reach out for the sweet, maiden sip of the night. Every drink you drink, starts off as a half drink, that tricks you into thinking that its a full mug, but its had stolen sips. A drink should have a beginning, middle, and end, with no stolen sips.
Apparently, no-one likes 15 oz mugs, because there seems to be a bunch of em hangin around these days. I got a great one out of the whole thing. For free.

So now I drink, Clam Eyes

Freshies, if your old skool

I Heard You Were An Artist?

I am Happy to announce that I am once again a self employed artist with a part time job.

Yep,

Full time Art,

Semi-part time full-on sales..

Faddyfivefaddyfivefaddyfivefaddyfivefaddyfive-doIhearaFIFTYfivefiftyfivefiftyfivefiftyfivenowdoihearaSIXTY?

Etc, etc..

so that they will know that we were here

One of these things is pretty wrong..

they put me into a hospital

Sleeping in the same room as your newborn is already a privilege few dads get to experience. But you know me, I like to push my luck in any given arrangement until I am disliked at a steadily increasing incline.

My bed situation, which started off as a pull out cot with comfort issues, turned into a motor controlled rocketship headed for hospital vacation happiness, at the inverse of my welcome guest status..

And for me, this is just fine. There is no other way..

The first nurse who came in - lets call her "Jody" - appeared aggravated. She was non responsive to our light comments, and a little abrupt on her first visit since the bed heist.

It was then that I first accepted the fast approaching fact that, I soon had some 'splaining to do..

"Jody" came back five minutes later kicking dust into the room, she whipped the curtain back - and yapped out, "YOU'RENOTSUPPOSED TO BE OVERHERE - THAT BEDS NOTFOR YOU!"

I said "woah now, shhhhhh shhhhh shaa.. easy now. I just want to cuddle my daughter like I should be allowed to and it just aint possible in that ratty ol sailors cot you put me in. This bed was just staring me down from across the room, and, you know, eventually it got the best of me. So I broke down, unplugged it from the wall over there, pulled it over here, plugged it back in, and look. I'm sorry, Joads.. no-one needs this bed right now like I do.."

but, she was still pissed..

"Well, if this other woman comes in tonight like we think shes gonna, then we'll need this bed back."

"and I'll be just the guy to give it up without so much'sa pip then ma'am." big smile..

leaves; door open..

from that point on, whenever the nurse shift change happened, I had to tell my story to a whole new crewing nest of do gooders..

"Your not supposed to be over here with that!"

"I know, I know.. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. you see, its just that.." etc, etc..

Three empty rooms with two beds each in em for three nights in a row.. so, I knew that nobody was missing these beds.

eventually, my twisted tune began to change.. as it often does..

"Look, I already talked to Jody about it and she was totally cool with me staying over here in this bed. See, she gave me this blanket to cover it with and everything. Wow, she was right, you guys sure are uppity around here."

God of thunder, I hear your call..

my heart leaps, skips, and bounds

what started at 7 am Saturday morning, ended at 1 am on Monday

42 hours of biological operation..

I was beat like a turnip

mom went through 24 hours of contractions

but there was too much Ali and not enough Roxy to make it work

with careful consideration, we decided on a surgical birth

after prep, it took 10 minutes to receive our baby

my phone, which had been turned off to stop the flow of traffic

was resurrected in order to congratulate grand parents, aunts
uncles and friends

when the dust settled, and the lights dimmed

i was left alone, pulling a flop out next to the basinet for a few
hours of down time

little did I consider the thought that it would be so easy..

she cooed, I wished
she cried, I jumped

sleep would have to wait..

mommy, how long has it been since you felt the wind?

about four days

hello new friend